Today is not a good day. It's not a bad day; I don't feel ill. I went down to the medical records department and got a copy of the report for mt CT scan from Tueday (I didn't want to wait till July 12th for my follow-up) and it's all normal. On the surface everything is normal - copacetic... But the reality is that I feel like crap. I ache all over. I feel run down and tired - almost sleepy. My back is sore and I am stiff in my hips. WTF is wrong with me!? I think I could tolerate being ill; I mean seriously ill... I am generally optimistic enough that a serious illness or condition would not drag me under. Hell, I had open heart surgery when I was in my 20's - I've spent plenty of time in hospital beds in the course of my life. It's feeling like this and the doctors having no clue what is wrong with me is what is killing me. If I knew what was going on I could steel myself and face it. Not knowing what I'm up against is frustrating and makes me feel
even more powerless.