hmmm

So, I have an idea for a book, or at the very least a short story. I have the whole arc of the tale mapped out in my head. I could sit down and bang out the outline of it in probably about 10-15 minutes. Writing it would be, I think, fairly easy.

But I am afraid to start it.

What if it sucks? And I mean really, really sucks. Would I know enough to know that it was complete and utter garbage and therefore save myself the embarrassment of actually sharing it with someone. I generally take criticism fairly well, but I don't know if I could take someone that I really care about that the story I've spent hours pouring myself into was a big, steaming pile of shit.

What if it was slightly mediocre? An amusing little ditty with serious structural flaws and a meandering narrative... a highly descriptive narrative with a charming voice whose story kind of falls on its face? Would I maybe feel good enough about it or fool myself into believing that it's not half bad and subsequently submit it to a number of publishers and be utterly crushed by rejection?

Maybe I might write it and never show it to a living soul (but you and I both know my ego is way too big for that!) I don't know... I've never been this chicken about anything creative before. As an actor, I've gone on stage in my underwear, broken down the fourth wall and gone out into the audience and interacted with them. I produced and directed a play in college. I've put my drawings into various shows. Why is this so different? Why is this so paralyzingly terrifying?

YIKES.